my subconcious has decided once more it is time to pack up and move on, so that's life i guess. i can't wait to actually have the option of moving places. im just going to move until i find people who are actually creative and people arent afraid to be honest.

i just washed my hands, like ridiculously. and i feel like listening to classic rock and going to lots and lots of parties.

i wish parties were still old fashioned and earnestly fun and you actually met new people and danced and socially drank, not these kegfests of debauchery and sexual satisfaction/teen romance. no one is earnest and nothing is honest. everything is so secretive. i wish sometimes i threw caution and my inhibitions to the wind and had a good (material) time, instead of doing it with my brain, cos shit son, that aint working out.

my life will parallel the career of everclear-i'll never really make it (socially, academically,______).

anyway, i guess my life has a pattern. or so it seems; i have close friends, i find something that bugs me about them but i dont tell anyone and then it just creates bigger problems. key event-their realization i am a dick, citing an end to the process. most recently the other person was lyndsey stanton and the thing i think that bugged me most is she didnt like me (or is so incredibly social and that is only growing weekend by weekend, or has this smile that makes me insane, or i get the impression is fake sometimes). any of those. it peaked in an argument last night where lyndsey said she was finished with me for good. shit, that's life! i don't know what to do with myself except eat and play rugby. i started making to do lists, theyre coming in handy for the most part. i hope everything gets tied together soon before i like, freak out on my whole life.

seeya,
joe