99 Problems

in celebration of the rediscovered greatness that is jay-z's the black album, i will imitate my black idol.

NINETY NINE PROBLEMS

1. Bitch, lack of
2. Cold weather patterns
3. Douchebag juniors with frosted blonde hair
4. Lack of perfectly functioning headphones and computer speakers
5. Jabu Jabu's belly
6. Foodsource's strongwilled attempts to suck me back onto their workforce
7. The seemingly neverending search for drivers for my new old Yamaha soundcard for XP.
8. Not enough school pants to get me through the week
9. Not enough jeans to get me through my weekends
10. Finding clothes not made in sweatshops
11. When someone leaves the milk jug in the fridge with two fucking drops of milk left in it
12. Duck walkers (my school contains hundreds...it's like cancer)
13. my computer just restarted, goddamn
14. Lack of memory for my compy here
15. Missing out on an entire evening to see a slow moving play that turned out to be mediocre.
16. I've got 15 minutes to write this thing before Blogger shuts down
17. Urge to move to South Beach and change my name
18. My iTunes is broken so i cant update my iPod
19. My speakers are broken so i can't listen to tunes
20. My peacoat is obsessed with lint these days
21. I'm starving
22. There's no goddam milk in the fridge
23. Itchy socks
24. The need and incredible difficulty to get through all of The Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs before the end of the night
25. Convincing my mom the importance of going to Bonnaroo
26. Valentine's Day and my attempts to inform everyone i know that it is in fact, not a real holiday. And not just cos card companies either.
27. Colloquial writing: I never knew it would be so hard to grasp.
28. Staying fly
29. Diarhea
30. Idiots at my school refusing to drop the subject of course selection
31. Those same fuckers bragging about the A.P. courses theyre taking next year
32. Since I tightened my sister's snare drum, I've had this ringing in my brain...
33. Video iPods
34. Hot chocolate
35. S-N-O-W
36. The suprise return/attack of the above, rendering my superpowers useless and leaving me startled
37. The perfect balance of honey and mustard to make honey mustard
38. Tomorrow is sunday
39. Scene bands
40. The generic names of scene bands
41. The generic sounds of scene bands
42. Brian fucking Pierce
43. Xanga
44. My wariness of the oncoming confusion that is the Forest Temple. I vow not to use a walkthrough. Not until the end.
45. My computer monitor is so super heavy
46. The entire state of Delaware, except the beautifully proportioned bank buildings in Wilmington
47. Dave Haines
48. This is only the halfway point of this whole deal
49. I can't seem to shake the greatness that is Jay-Z's "My First Song"
50. I can't freestyle
51. I can't throw down a hot beat
52. Foodsource is still paying me 6.90 an hour. I should be making 8.00+.
53. I need to file taxes
54. Lion and the Pride E.P.
55. Snaggletooth
56. Unarticulate speakers/writers
57. Rolling Stone Magazine (save for David Fricke and Tom Moon's occasional contributions)
58. 25 minutes til midnight!
59. The year 2006
60. Cars
61. Pollution
62. Sweatshop labor
63. When it snows, then the sun comes out the next day. It looks like shit, makes me feel like shit, shit shit shit.
64. The realization that this entry is not going the way I want it to. Oh well.
    
65. Myspace's general population from my area
66. Cliches
67. O.A.R. kid/"Surfer" hair. You know what I'm talking about. Long, to about above the eyebrows, and a little longer than the collar in the bag. Just barely pushing school limits. Flared out above the ears. Sported by kids who like bad jam bands and claim to surf. Especially those who try to prove to you they surf by showing you some pictures that were taking from the shoreline on a cloudy day. Oh yeah okay, that blur on the wave is you? Niccccceeee one brah, hows your Merrick? Hows yr quiver comin?
68. Reoccuring headaches
69. When people laugh at this number
70. I need to mow the lawn again. I'm craving it.
71. "Serious" relationships
72. Tinsel
73. My dad's not so handy workmanship
74. The smell of urine
75. Gregorian chant
76. Father Connolly
77. Itching for my next door neighbors move, so I can know whats in store for the next 2.5 years
78. Fractions
79. The O.C.
80. Flathead screwdrivers
81. Dave Haines convincing everyone I have bike shorts. These shorts are nonexistent.
82. The fear I will now always have when biking down Route 52. I quoth Haines: "I saw you ridin' down 52 the other day. I had the inclination to run you over." And it has been said.
83. Slurred speech
84. Any red candy, unless its raspberry
85. Candy, for the time being
86. Lack of a neverending supply of Vitamin Water
87. The general consensus is that I am a dick
88. This entry is almost too epic
89. This entry has been three days in the making, so numbers 1-23 are practically over and done with
90. Tourism
91. Fake anarchists
92. Cruises
93. 6 Minutes, 6 Problems
94. Poseurs
95. Rotting bananas!
96. The smell of piss
97. People who have abandoned their bikes
98. Latin-2
99. Celebrities now skinny who i once loved...Lindsay, Nicole, Hilary...