Relevance (Two)

i realized that how much i fight against the constant subconcious quest for relevance amongst my peers and fuckers i hate, i will end up laughing all the way to the grave. the reason goes like this: i will become a music journalist. i will interview lots of bands i love and make friends with them. i will die young, ala lester bangs. my funeral will be a blowout that cries "relevancy!" with a cannonball headed straight for salesianum. these rockstars i will have befriended will be at my funeral. magazine staff will be at my funeral. there will be a piece about me in said magazine. this particular issue will be a valued item in the back catalog!
look at lester bangs!
look at hunter s. thompson!
johnny DEPP attended his funeral. none of you will be able to say the same, i am the best. or i will be, when im dead.
i say all you (girls, mostly) who set up livejournals and xangas and myspaces and constantly beg for comments, and have not only an AIM account but an MSN, jabber, and yahoo account, should stop. let the attention come to you. let it be won, not asked for. it will be paid back in full. i do it effortlessly. im kind of getting spacey here. actually this whole entry is completely ridiculous, i thought it may be good, but its shit. but ill try to save it

well i dont know if anyone knows what im talking about. if you think about it, everywhere you go, especially since abd because the internet, there are peopl vying for your attention . its mainly the internet. pretty much. you cant deny the bulletins vying for comments, or the pictures labeled im so ugly. the xanga entries claiming not enough comments. none of these people are even saying anything good! i dont know. i wish the internet didnt exist. i was talking to my friends older sister, heather. she grew up as a teenager in the nineties, pre-internet boom etc. everything was so different back then. there werent trends like there are now, her friends were centered around her school, and if you were original, or not popular, you were truly different and truly stood out. life was peach, i guess. but now yeah theres all this striving for feedback, and then conflict starting because of this. i dont give a fuck who tells you what or what they say, "drama" is generally bullshit. we'll call it conflict from here on out because an argument and shit talking is not DRAMA its CONFLICT. fuck. anyway, people say shit about someone, then the other person makes a big deal about themselves because they want to make themselves feel more like i dont know what the fuck im getting at. ill stop. seriously. all i can say is thoose fights? theyre fucking petty and bullshit and are just retarded and the point im saying is...


these things would not have gone on 10 years ago, and the reasons why:

• desire to live in other places, i.e. california (our area wouldve been our area. we wouldve been happy with it. there would be no MTV barrage of california culture. there would be no "glamorous" Paris Hilton culture all over magazines and movies. no reality tv. no OC.)
• drama-for several reasons
• the spread of gossip would not be nearly as quick (no IM/email/myspace, no cell phones, no desire to spread the said gossip)
• the word drama would be used in the correct fucking context. as in not referring to what i love to call conflict.
• there were distinct groups and social hierarchies. it only mattered if the people in these groups talked shit on their fellow group members. the lines are too blurred now.
• people got out more. i dont know how this is different now, or how it plays into it but it just makes sense to me.
• ridiculous shit, i just dont know, okay? i just wish it were differentl. i hate the internet. i wish the house phone/landline wasnt obsolete. i wish there were still cool high school relationships instead of the two extremes that exist-stupid fake long term relationships (10 months +) and meaningless short term relationships (1 month -). i wish there were distinct grade separtations. i wish there were more fights.
  

I GUESS THE BOTTOM FUCKING LINE IS I WISH I WAS BORN IN 1981. MY GENERATION AND PEERS FUCKING SUCK, THEY MAKE NO SENSE TO ME. MUSIC TODAY SUCKS. I HATE SCENE KIDS. I HATE PEOPLE WHO JUST RUIN SHIT. I HATE CELL PHONES, I HATE INTERNET, I HATE MYSPACE, I HATE "DRAMA", I HATE THE FUCKING OC.

i need to stop, call me a hypocrite.

this took about an hour to finish. please read it.